ACADEMIC WRITING

       I think Iranian people are progressing nowadays. They are priding themselves on elaborating nuclear fuel and using it. Iranian scholar can freeze germ cell and identifying (identify) them. They are trying to send their second satellite into (the) space. Iranian scientists are starting to be pioneer(s) in many major science (scientific) fields.

Comments:

1. Writers usually do not use phrases such as "I think", "I believe", or "in my opinion" because they are signs of First Person Point of View which is not allowed in academic expository writing.
2. Your paragraph is unified. You succeeded in maintaining the unity. Now, the next step is Coherence. Try to make your paragraph coherent, using transitional phrases such as "first", "in addition", "finally", etc.

Many people in Iran prefer working in governmental office (for the government) to having part-timer job in private office (working for private sector). (First,) only government gives employee retirement plans (individual financial programs that help provide a livable income when a person stops working). (In addition), every month you could give (receive) your paycheck on time. You and your family member have social insurance for treatment, (as well).

Comments: This paragraph is basically good except for the improper and careless choice of words. However, the main problem is lack of coherence. Coherence refers to the horizental arrangement of supporting sentences. The words "first", "in addition", and "as well" which I added to the paragraph may help improve the coherence.

A. Sultani

    In Malayer It is a custom to walk in the afternoon because it is a very small city you can go everywhere you want by walking. All the streets have covered under shadow of trees thus in the summer there is the pleased breeze in the streets and people usually enjoy from the weather while they are going for a strolling in park street, where a small cool mountain stream flow down the street.

Comments: Well, I should thank you for not writing stories, but this is not based on inductive reasoning. This is only description without any central idea. NO topic sentence. NO controlling idea.

A student was ordered a loan book at beginning semester and he received after his exam

          When Ali was studying grammar he asked his friend to send him a grammar book. His friend Ahmad was living in Qom when he sent the book. After six month he came to Hamadan to visit his friend Ali when he was passing his final exam.

          Ali finished the exam. While he was coming back home he saw his friend beside the street and Ahmad get on to his car. Ali was angrier suddenly asked,” Why you did not sent that book to me I think I have to take grammar course again” Ahmad answered,” I sent the grammar book six month ago” Ali said,” What is wrong ?   I did not receive the book”

          They arrived house after a while the ball rang and Ahmad said, “Did you hear the bell? Open the door please” Ali replied, “Can you open the door? I am busy now” when Ahmad opened the door he saw a postman there the man gave him a package and said,” Because of wrong postal code we could not find your house” Ahmad gave the book to Ali and said,” you can use this book for next semester, and they laughed a lot.

Comments: Please write one paragraph essays. No dialogues. No conversation. Write only according to the model.

   Iraq had not made chemical weapons.   First Saddam Hussein had  experience in using chemical weapons He had ordered chemical attacks on Iran and on more than forty villages in his own country. But in the battle with American soldier the head of Iraq's military did not use chemical weapons and if he had technological capabilities to produce chemical weapons he would use that kind of weapons he would use against them.

    When Iraqi regimes collapsed there was no chemical factory found in Iraq. After five years American soldier could not fined even one chemical weapon that have been made in Iraq although they could make a factory in Iraq and attributed to Saddam Hussein, The American office preferred to be calm consequently people would forget that why they came to Iraq.

      Saddam Hussein had bought chemical weapons from other country and Iraq could not produce chemical weapons alone although, it gathers the most serious dangers of our age in one place’ the president Bush said in October 7, 2002 But Iraq could not produce chemical weapons.

Comments: Please read my post on inductive reasoning and write a paragraph based on the model example I provided. 

Last year when Mr. sharifi said to me, ‘we can practice together to pass the Baqerololom examination’ I had a lucky break

I did not tell anything about this exam to anyone because it was a mystery for me it was possible I could not pass the exam then I told to my friends Ali,’ I wanna tell you a secret, but you gotta promise to keep it under your hat.

We studied all high school books in that predicament because we don’t know what kind of book we should study.

When my phone rang and someone said, ‘you might register if you want to participate in the classes this course remember to bring your paper and credential.

Comments: Please write only one paragraph essays. This seems to be like a short story with many grammatical mistakes. If you read the previous posts and their comments, you will see that you should use a formal language. It means you cannot use expressions such as "gotta", "wanna", etc. because they are features of a conversational style. In accademic writing, one has to use a formal langauge. Please read the previous posts carefully.

Last night in my dreams I saw myself in Mecca in Sacred mosque I saw Kaaba then I went in front of Gods house and sat next to its door, I start to cry and prayer, the sky was dark but the mosque was lighted by searchlight

            How beautiful that time was!

            Oh God can I be there again?
            Oh Allah never forget me and reminder me to never forget you I want to remember you always and everywhere.

       When I felt pain in my knee I went to Dr Lotphi’s office and visit him I told him about my  problem he asked me:” do you use dairy product seldom or mostly?” I answered:” I use sometime” he wrote a recipe and give me some calcium tablet and said:” your body need calcium and because the lack of calcium you feel pain on your knee you must use more dairy product like milk, cheese and yogurt every day 

My mother play with my little sister my sister is six years old she is quite mischievous she is happy and kind girl she asks me to play with her all the time she goes to kindergarten she paints beautiful picture and  she learned some song sometime she sings  a song.

                   She goes to kindergarten everyday last Friday when I told her to day is holyday she did not understand what I mean I told her all Friday’s she can stay home and play and she hah not to go to kindergarten she was doubtful she asked her mother “Mom why I have to stay at home in Friday” her mother answered because on Friday your kindergarten and all schools are closed therefore you can stay home and play with your mother.

New way of learning word

G -5

        G-5 is a new way of learning word and increasing your vocabulary. When I saw that reportage in TV I thought it is a commercial report and that way would not work but later when I know how it work I change my opinion because I understood that there is no way to memorize the word.

           After few days my brother suggested me to buy a box of this learning device when I bought a package of G-5 I was surprised in fact there was nothing worth that much money I have paid for that box.

          What that box really had? A CD and a divided square box and some piece of paper and a pamphlet I felt I swindled I saw the CD it was the film and show how distribute the box after that I studied that pamphlet carefully when I understood the box contain all thing I need to memorize the word I felt happy.

           I start to practice in the way that was easy you must write the word on the on side of paper and its definition on the other side and try to recite the meaning of that word if you are able to recite the definition it will go ahead in the box and if your are wrong it will go back in the first chart you should practice in this way not just sit bake and hope.

Writing at first is difficult but if you continue it will be easier than you thought because we never write our idea it is difficult to write them .IF we write our daily activity it help us to write and we can find some subject in our daily life

First try not to be neat If you write scratch it help you to write fast and then you can correct wrong word and sentence finally fair copy all your written text .

Do you know it is not difficult to write any time and any place if you desire to be a good writer this desire will help you to keep your pen in your hand and continue writing although it is difficult at first

 Although I want to help other student[s,] but some of them do not accept. Last Friday we had an appointment to study [our] phonetic book together[.] [We] we decide[d] to met each other at the stadium before [the] sport class at 9:00 pm

 I went there by the time [on time], but nobody came [the] except Mr. Mosavinasab[.] I was waiting [waited] for them but unfortunately they did not come. After half of hour [After half an hour] when we were studding [studying] chapter one[,] I saw my friend Mr. Mirkhalili[.] [He] he said, "Mr. Sharifi and Mr.Hajaboli are coming to stadium soon.” when[When] they arrived[,] we [were] discussing [the] rest of chapter one after that Mr. sharifi suggested to study chapter three and we studied.

 After discussion I told Mr. sharifi “I do not realize why other student who had problem with this lesson did not come?” he answered,”some people do not help themselves because they do not want and you can not do anything for them”  

Who was your date last night?

  Last night we had (a) free discussion in (our) class. (T) the conversation was about friendship and date (dating) in our country. Mr. Tabatabi said, "I want to improve your speaking ability. (T) try to speak English in class. (It) it is (an) important thing for me.”

  Student(s) had several opinions about date in our culture, but they agreed with (the) Islamic theory (perspective). In our culture people forbid friendship between girls and boys, but in Islam they can get married temporarily for a period of time if they accept their responsibility (and) they can trust each other. (For) for example, if the girl give birth to a baby his father (should) accept hem (it) as his child.

  One of students said he has never been out on a date with a girl. (Other) other one said, “ I had Islamic date” I expressed my opinion by one quick example then I  explained that by a narrative example I told a memory from my father I tried to convince student and teacher by  sentence form Imam Jomeh of  Mrayer it did really work.

Mr. Assadollahi,

I checked and corrected a number of sentences. The main problem in your writing is that you do not leave a full stop at the end of sentences and do not start the next sentence with a capital letter. Please try not to commit these errors any further.

Sultani

Ramadan is a month of God

  All human invited to banquet (feast) of God .Every year Moslems have diet in Ramadan every day they fast from morning till night.

It is considered as worship and they do this (it) to obey God's orders. They believe that all of them are the God’s guest. (At) at first I don’t realized that, what kind of feast is this (First, I did not realize what kind of feast it was). You have to eat nothing.  

 Moslems believe that God fate all being in this month (all beings fate is determined by Allah in this month) and if you pray something he will grant that to you. I realized in which feast host can climb?? that I  grant all thing you want   except Allah.