ACADEMIC WRITING

    Tehran is a populous, busy and vociferous city. Many of the people live in suburbs and work in the city but the people who live and work in the city hurry out of their apartment every morning. The commuters hurry to bus stations every morning. Every one is in a hurry in this city. For many of the Tehranese, there is no time for breakfast. In the morning, the noise of traffic grows louder and louder and trucks load and unload. The most important problem is that the streets are full of buses and cars. Policemen blow their whistles to stop the traffic. Finally the motorbikes zigzag and make everybody nervous. Millions of people live in Tehran.

     I think some who wants to be a governor must be permitted by Allah. The sold owner of all things is Allah. Occupying the undisputed property of a owner is uncorrect, shameful and cruel. The definite requisite of governance is occupying in the humman’s life(soul),property,honour and chastity. Then everyone wants to be a governor must be permitted by Allah

Management is an interdisciplinary science. In addition management a manager should know aconomy,polity,sociolody and psychology. Because on the one hand a manager should be aware of external invironment of organization,so he needs to know aconomy and polity and on the other hand he shold be aware  of internal invironment of organization so he needs to know sociology and psychology to controls employees.                               

Living without computer is impossible. To day we use it in home. Workers and officers can not work in factories and offices without it. When we are going to get cash from bank we have to learn computer. Housewife con not uses washing machine and dish washer without learning computer and they are practicable tools. Finally we can not do many difficult calculations. (میرخلیلی)

  The transportation’s system in Yazd is better than(that in) Qom. The number of taxis and buses (in Yazd)are (is) more than (in) Qom. The streets in yazd are broad and wide but in Qom (they) are too narrow for cars to pass. The people notice (observe) to traffic lows (laws) but in Qom the traffic violation (violating traffic laws) is more. The presence of police in Yazd is more predominate (predominant) than Qom and the policeman guide the traffic. Finally(,) in Yazd the most of people don’t (do not) use private (their) cars and (but) use public cars (transportation).

Comments: Paragraph unity is very good, but there are grammatical and spelling problems. Please check how comparative adjectives and adverbs are used.

   The rate of divorce in Yazd is low. People (in Yazd) are very religious and they act (according to) Islam’s instruction(s). In addition(,) the rate of unemployment is low.The women do not live in luxury and they are content. They believe that‚ unlike bread and water‚ luxuries are not necessary to  life. finaly (Finally) the rate of drug addict (addiction) is low too.

Comments: Sentences are short and simple, but the paragraph has a good structure. You are improving very well, Mr. Mirkhalili. Please continue writing.

MY  VILLAGE

Although my village is next to Yazd,but the climate is very clemently (clement / pleasant).Perhaps you don't believe that in summer you can see snow on mountain (mountains) and people don't use any cooler's tool (air conditioners). In the night (At nights) weather reaches low (it gets cold) and they must use duvet (duvets) and in the morning (cock crowing) they have to wear thermal dress (warm clothes) (.)

MASHHAD

    Mashhad is a good city. My mamily (family) and I went to that city. We stayed there (for) four days. We had a very good time there. We visited many places. We went to the holy shrain (shrine) several times. A lot of people go to mashhad each year. They come from different part (parts) of iran (Iran) and other contry (countries).

Dear Mr. Mirkhalili,

I should thank you for your hard work. You work harder than some younger students in the class.

1. Please pay more attention to SPELLING.
2. You could connect some of the sentences together. For example, you could say, "my family and I went to that city and stayed there for four days." This will make your paragraph more interesting to read.

A. Sultani

IN THE PARK

I am seeing a picture of a park.

I see some people in it.A man and his child are sitting on a bench.The child,s father is reading a news paper,but his child is playing in the park and eating ice-cream.

I think he is six or seven years.

He is playing by bicycle and some time with ball.

SHOPPING

  My father goes shopping every day. He usually buys some fruits, vegetables and other things. Yesterday, he went shopping with his friend. They took a taxi to the shopping center. There were a lot of shoppers and they bought many things: apples, onions, dress (clothes). On the way home they went to the bakers. They bought some bread. Then if my father,s friend needed some meat (because my father's friend needed some meat), they went to the butchers.

Thank you Mr. Mirkhalili,

Please pay attention to the following points:

1. You wrote about one topic, i.e. shoping, and this is very good.
2. But, connect all sentences in one paragraph. I did this for you this time.
3. Indent only the first sentence of the paragrpah.
4. Leave one space after periods and commas.

Ali Sultani

Please carefully compare your writing with mine to see the differences.

1   

 When I was eighteen, I went to the bloc for forty five days. The first friday after I came back, I went to a mosque for (to)  pray. In that time, my friend wanted (from) me to help him to open the windows of (the) mosque. (W) we brought a stick and I climbed it. Suddenly the stick side (slid) slip and I falled (fell down). then (Then I) broke my neck and I get (got) unconscious and I get quadriplegia. (A)after that I was taken  to (a) hospital in Yazd. (A)after two days the doctors disided (decided) to sended (send) me to Kashani hospital in Esfahan.i (I was) hospitalized there for two months.dribs and drabs (little by little) I felt better.

 2.

     Condition and healthiness is the best tooty from Allah. In the past summer I went to my city Yazd.One day went to the Sayyed-AL-Shohda hospital and saw there a lot of people.They were ill.some affection were more,for example:Daybit and Canser Diseses.The boss of hospital D.Akhavi saidʺ%20of people in Yazd have Canser".The experts bilive that:some consers depend to uranium diggings next the Yazd.

3. 

My uncle and his family are from Yazd. They now live in Tehran and have a difficult life in it (there). They think people in small towns have easy and happy life.

    They don’t have many of the problems that people have in big city (cities) like Tehran. There are not many cars in the streets and they don't spend a lot of time in the traffic every day.

     They can get the things they need easily and fast. People are not always in a harry (hurry), they help you when you need them.